Upswing
What day will you come down? What time will you head out? My first thoughts were, "Who cares?" It's not as if anyone riding along could pose a conflict—it's just me. I usually answer, "I don't know; let me think. What does your schedule look like?" Living alone is unique. It is weird to wrap my mind around the fact I am not disturbing or being a burden to anyone with my actions because no one is here. Chuckle. You would think that would be apparent, but it is not.
I sometimes wonder if I am becoming dreadfully self-centered because I can do what I want when I want. I can bathe at 2 a.m., start my day at 4 a.m., watch mindless things on TV, or sit and stare at the sky for hours. Retirement does add a splash of freedom well earned. Yet, situations occur where I automatically react to what I feel is expected rather than expressing who I am. These are simple little things no one would most likely not even notice or care about. What the heck?
I recently moved to a much smaller home environment. It has been interesting to look at the items I deemed necessary enough to bring into my new place. Everything from how I decorated my home to what I wear has changed. It is much easier to express myself and my personality here. Why have I never allowed myself this freedom? Why have I always automatically done what I thought was expected of me? What was acceptable? How did I fit in? People pleasing, do not stick out.
Why do we place ourselves in boxes of conformity? Worse yet, it is just our perceptions of what we think people would want us to conform to. Dang, this old bat is finally figuring out I am pretty harmless just being who I am. I will enjoy these moments in time. Who cares? After all, as the song below in the comments says "No one gets out, alive"
Be brave and fierce but always remain humble.
nan
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